And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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