Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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