we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
