I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
