You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
