I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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