you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
