i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
