11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
