Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
