had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
