That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
