"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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