Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
