dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i now understand why vodka
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
