I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
