she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
