Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
