I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
