my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
