if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
