I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
