I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
