standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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