My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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