Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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