I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
