EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
