I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
