Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
