New invention idea: vibrating tampons
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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