omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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