you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
