Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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