It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
