You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
