they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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