Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
