if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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