In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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