i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
