I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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