she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's blow job season.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
