I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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