Don't make out with my wife yet
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
