I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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