First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
