I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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