he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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