I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
