and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
And the cops told us we were all naked.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
