YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
