drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Did we literally take a cab across the street
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
