If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
