Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
