Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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