Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
