Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
