I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
