How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
