It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
