hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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