; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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