ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
