i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
