Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
