hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Houston, we have a blender
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
