she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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