I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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