is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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