I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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