Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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